When you plant a seed, it does not blossom overnight.
It will take time.
When you start something, do not expect results right away. You are a seed, you need water and care. You need to trust the time it takes for you to grow. Similar to the famous “trust the process” quote, I want to say something different; Trust Time.
Why contemplate on whether something is going to work out, when you could save yourself the trouble and trust it will? One minute spent worrying is one you could have spent happy.
Let that last line sink in.
When Time Became Prominent
Okay, quick life recap.
I was in Gambia for two years. The first few months was not that bad. I spent most of my time laying on warm sand and listening to the waves of the ocean.
Sometimes when the sun-kissed the sky goodnight, I danced underneath the moon and greeted the stars that reflected on waves. The first few months in Gambia was peaceful and intriguing.
One year had passed in The Gambia and I spent my nights gazing at the northern star. A part of me thought if I took a boat and rowed towards it at night, I would someday arrive in Canada or New York. Another part of me was set on the fact that I didn’t even have a boat.
A little bit over a year, Gambia grew dark. Underneath its beautiful people, weather, and beaches, there was a heaviness in my chest that I would grow to the top of my throat. Many events had happened at that point and I was waiting for the worst.
I believed, somehow, someone was going to die. I was suffering from anxiety and constant paranoia. By the entrance of my bedroom, I kept a packed suit case ready for when my family and I would leave.
I was ready to go.
The Event That Changed Gambia
My mother tried to kill herself while I was at school.
I received a phone call during a school assembly one day and decided to pick it up. I was not on the phone for even ten seconds, before I found myself out the auditorium hall dashing towards the front gate.
“A’Isha come home now, your mother is doing something bad.”, the house keeper shouted through the phone. Her voice sounded rushed, and just as she called, she hung up.
At the time I did not realize friends and teachers were running after me to know what was going on. I did not realize I was outside the school gates. No other feelings existed in me, but the fear of the unpredictable.
My right shoe broke and stones pierced the bottoms of my feet with each stride.
The gatemen stands outside the gate of our house and grabs me to calm me down. He says something inaudible. I push past him, and bolt towards the front door.
I enter the house. My mother lies on the couch with fingers clenched.
I grab her hands and pills drop from them. They sound like rain tapping on my window at night as they spread themselves all over the floor.
At that moment, I knew that time was unpredictable. While I was at school enjoying an assembly, my mother was at home swallowing pills to kill herself. I did not receive a warning. I did not wake up with a terrible feeling in my gut.
I was sitting with my friends at school.
The Harsh Lesson
Don’t allow one moment affect you for more than the actual time of that moment.
Which is exactly what I did. I allowed one ‘bad’ experience affect my well being for months after.
After that experience, I spent nights awake sitting by my mother’s door in case death decided to creep into my house again. This time I would catch her.
However, this “catch things before it happens” attitude was not good for me. Life is unpredictable. Time runs on its own time. I realized that I was harming myself by waiting for things to happen, instead of believing things would turn out fine.
There were times I found myself praying I could fast track time and leave Gambia, so I wouldn’t have to worry anymore.
Let me tell y’all something;
Your perception of time is how you BEAT time.
Yes, the length of something can be unbearable. But the way we perceive it is based on us and us alone. By focusing on time, I only prolonged my traumas and departure. I was so focused on leaving that I did not realize the beauty in staying and growing.
Most importantly, I did not live in the present.
If you don’t want to prolong your process, then stop focusing on time!
Focus on the journey and the result.
Because the movement of time is something you don’t have to worry about.
Thank you for stopping by! Please like, share, and comment your thoughts below. xx